I remember standing in the crowded high school cafeteria, just like any other Tuesday.
My tray felt warm in my hands.
Sarah and Chloe were already at our usual table, laughing about something I couldn't quite hear over the din.
I made my way through the maze of legs and backpacks, a small smile on my face.
My lunch tray was a precarious tower of tater tots and a soggy burger.
I always hated the walk from the food line to the table.
The cafeteria was loud.
It always felt like hundreds of eyes were on me.
No one was really watching me.
I told myself that every day.
But it didn’t help.
Lately, things had been off with Sarah.
We used to be inseparable in middle school.
High school changed everything.
She found new friends on the cheer team.
She started acting different.
Her jokes were sharper.
Her compliments felt backhanded.
She’d invite me out.
Then she’d ignore me all night.
Chloe was always stuck in the middle.
Chloe was our buffer.
She tried to smooth things over.
It never really worked.
Just that morning, Sarah had made a comment in English class.
I had answered a question correctly.
The teacher had praised me.
Sarah leaned over to Chloe.
"Nerd alert," she'd whispered.
Loud enough for me to hear.
Chloe had just giggled nervously.
I pretended not to hear it.
It was always like that.
Small digs.
Constant reminders.
I wasn't quite good enough.
I wasn't quite cool enough.
I was just… me.
The cafeteria was always the worst.
It was a social minefield.
Every table was a clique.
Our table used to be our safe space.
Now it felt like enemy territory.
I always felt a knot in my stomach before lunch.
I just wanted to get through it.
Get my food.
Sit down.
Eat in peace.
Maybe Chloe would talk to me.
Maybe Sarah would be in a good mood.
I usually just focused on my food.
It was easier that way.
Today I had actually gotten the tater tots.
They were a rare treat.
A small victory.
I clutched my tray tighter.
I neared the table.
Chloe looked up and gave a small wave.
Her smile was hesitant.
Sarah was still giggling, looking at her phone.
She didn’t even acknowledge me.
"Hey guys," I said, trying to sound casual.
My voice sounded a little too high pitched.
I forced a wider smile.
I stood by my usual spot.
It was next to Chloe.
Across from Sarah.
I turned my body, preparing to slide into my seat.
My usual chair was right there.
It was a faded yellow plastic.
My hands were busy balancing my tray.
I didn't actually look down.
I just trusted it would be there.
My knees bent.
I started to lower myself.
The air felt different for a split second.
My butt hit nothing but air.
A strange, sickening lurch went through me.
My eyes widened.
My arms flailed out.
My tray tilted violently.
"Oops!" someone said.
It was Sarah's voice.
Her face was suddenly looking directly at me.
A small, quick smirk touched her lips.
I saw her foot retract slightly.
It had been pressed against the back leg of my chair.
I had been so focused on balancing my food.
I had been so focused on them.
I had missed the small movement.
I heard a clatter before I felt the impact.
The sound of plastic hitting linoleum was surprisingly loud.
It felt like a crash.
I was falling.
I was falling sideways.
My body twisted awkwardly.
My knee hit the floor first.
Then my hip.
Then my elbow.
The cool, greasy floor of the cafeteria.
The shock was immediate.
The breath left my lungs.
A collective gasp went through the nearest tables.
Then a few scattered giggles.
My vision swam for a moment.
I tasted something metallic in my mouth.
My burger had exploded on the floor next to my head.
Tater tots were rolling everywhere.
They looked like yellow dice.
My milk carton had burst open.
A white puddle spread slowly.
I could feel the cold liquid seeping into my jeans.
My head spun.
My ears were ringing.
I just lay there.
My brain couldn't process it.
